"These Alone Are Enough"

On my fridge, I keep the essentials:
- photos of those important to me
- magnets from my travels
- a Red Lobster gift card (thanks Dad)
- inspirational writings of my students
- the songs I want sung at my funeral


That's normal, right? I mean, if something were to happen...and we know that at some point the time will come, I want these songs to be easily accessible. Heaven forbid a generic song be played from a pre-printed list of options.

Let me rewind.

Music has always been a passion of mine, a second language to me. It speaks the words that I can't find myself in the moments I need most, can transcend language barriers, and fits any mood or season.

I've sung my way through life. I vividly remember my brother telling me when we were small that I must have been from an alien planet because I sang so much.

When I was getting stitches in my hand as a two year old, my mom singing to me calmed my nerves.

Just last week, I was getting blood drawn (I hate needles) and the phlebotomist sang to me, instantly relaxing me.

I sing what I'm doing at various parts of the day to popular music. When I let my dogs out, I channel Beyonce-- 🎶Everybody potty, everybody potty, everybody potty...we potty outside, oh oh oh oh oh oh🎶. I sing instructions to my students. When we clean up the classroom at the end of the day, we collectively perform "Spoonful of Sugar" and "Hard-Knock Life". It just spices up life.

God speaks to my heart through music. That is the sixth love language, right? Time and time again I've been praying, thinking, speaking to Him and the words I hear are immediately spoken over the speakers in my car. I remember driving and hearing a song I felt was meant for my ears and questioning it. Okay God, if that was really meant for me, play the song again. Sure as day, the moment the song ended, it played a second time. Okay okay. I get it. Well done. 

I have these "God moments" in music on a regular basis. They happen when I'm desperate and crying out for help, when I'm at my lowest of lows, when I'm mid-prayer, or just as a nudge when I think my mind is focused on something else. Just as He sends me music, I pray through music as well. 🎶Let them see You in me...🎶



Okay, back to the refrigerator. Remember those funeral songs? These are the ones I want to be be sent Home to. On a side note, I'd like my students to get together and rock out to "Rightful Place" by Steve Angrisano somewhere in the mix. That hasn't been added to the list yet. Every time I hear these songs, I get goosebumps, feel the fullness of God's love, and get all those warm fuzzy "this is what it's about" feelings.

A couple weeks ago, I was sitting in daily Mass and one of them played. My usual feelings noted above did not come flowing through me. Instead, I sat amidst a sea of students with a flood of tears.

Side note: life feels very much like a valley right now. I'm walking...swimming?blindly in uncharted waters. Waters I never wanted to swim in. The temperature is ice-cold, suffocating at times, and I'd much rather be cozy in a boat. I'm not great at analogies.

I'm clinging to faith, to prayer, to whatever inspirational quotes, Bible verses and success stories I can at this time in my life. And those tears have become an all too close companion.

So I'm sitting in Mass and the words flow from my mouth and go directly to my heart in an unfiltered, splash-of-cold-water-in-the-face kind of way.

Take my heart, O Lord, take my hopes and dreams. 
Take my mind with all its plans and schemes.
Give me nothing more than your love and grace. 
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

Take my thoughts, O Lord, and my memory.
Take my tears, my joys, my liberty.
Give me nothing more than your love and grace. 
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

I surrender Lord, all I have and hold.
I return to you your gifts untold.
Give me nothing more than your love and grace. 
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

When the darkness falls on my final days,
take the very breath that sang your praise.
Give me nothing more than your love and grace. 
These alone, O God, are enough for me.

© 2004, Daniel L. Schutte. Published by OCP. All rights reserved.
Listen here

Every single word of this song is a prayer I've prayed over and over. And here, at this point in my life, God answered my prayer. What was I thinking?! I take it back, God! I take it back!

"Take my hopes and dreams"-- my life isn't where I would have imagined it would be today or any other day. And here I've been asking God to take what I thought life would be, what I planned it would be.

"Give me nothing more than Your love and grace.
These alone, O God, are enough for me."-- Yes, it's nice and I guess I meant it if it lined up with my plan. But I didn't actually mean it in that way. Give me nothing more? That's a bit extreme.

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. My prayers were answered. And maybe, just maybe, there is a purpose in all of this. Of course there is.

But this moment in time, I was reminded that although my world has felt completely shaken and dreams shattered, what I have is enough for me. It doesn't feel like it right now but I have exactly as much as I need. And there is a purpose.