Scars

What a road it has been. A broken road. At times, the loneliest road. And each day, I've made it further.

2017-2018 were the years that my world crumbled. The blows kept coming and I didn't know how much I could physically, emotionally, and mentally take.

"Come, let us rebuild..." -Nehemiah 2:17

And boy, have we.

The biggest disappointments and devastations have, and continue to be made beautiful.

God's hand has been there the entire way.

The song "Scars" by I Am They came flooding over me weeks ago. I replayed it repeatedly, praying and praising the words. I've said that God often speaks to me through music. And I love using music to be the words I pray.

Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes
Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn't trade it for anything
'Cause my brokenness brought me to You 
And these wounds are a story You'll use


Looking back, I can see that God was with me through the absolute deepest pain. I had nothing left to give. There were times when I couldn't find the words to pray. I just came to Him in all my brokenness.

So I'm thankful for the scars
'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart
And I know they'll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars


I can look back and truly thank God for those experiences. I wouldn't have the faith to completely rely on Him to carry me through. It wasn't until I had nothing that I gave Him all of me. It took my world falling apart to give Him complete control over my life.

Now I'm standing in confidence
With the strength of Your faithfulness
And I'm not who I was before
No, I don't have to fear anymore

In a million years, I couldn't fathom the story that would unfold. I have been forever changed. But I've also seen that "earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal" (Come As You Are-Crowder). And there's a peace in that.

I can see, I can see
How You delivered me
In Your hands, In Your feet
I found my victory

 I believe 100% that God rescued me from a situation that would have only escalated. He rescued me from more heartbreak.

I lived for years struggling with infertility. I thought it was my biggest burden. I cried out, begging for understanding. I praised Him for whatever it was that month that He saw that I didn't. I went through years of natural hormone therapies, and was prepared to visit the Pope Paul Institute after we'd exhausted all options locally.

Little did I know that He saw the big picture. He saw something each month that I didn't. And on the other side, I praise Him for that.

I stand in awe of how He has saved me. "He reached down from Heaven and rescued me." -Psalm 18:16


This post feels all over the place. But I've just had it on my heart. I never want to forget the beauty that comes from the ashes. Not because of anything I did, but because of Him.

And for that, I am thankful for the scars.